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Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential--and Endangered, by Bruce D. Perry, Maia Szalavitz
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“Bruce Perry is both a world-class creative scientist and a compassionate therapist.”
—Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia
Born for Love is the definitive book on empathy. Renowned psychiatrist Bruce Perry has appeared on Oprah, CNN, National Public Radio’s All Things Considered, and other programs as an expert in this hot area of neuroscience, and has been cited as such in Newsweek, the New York Times, and The New Yorker (in a story written by Malcolm Gladwell). He and co-writer Maia Szalavitz explore empathy’s startling importance in human evolution and its significance for our children and our society. The authors of The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog present a powerful case that love is essential…and endangered.
- Sales Rank: #17886 in Books
- Brand: imusti
- Published on: 2011-04-05
- Released on: 2011-04-05
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .86" w x 5.31" l, .64 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 384 pages
- Harper Paperbacks
Review
“Empathy, and the ties that bind people into relationships, are key elements of happiness. Born for Love is truly fascinating.” (Gretchen Rubin, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project)
“Once in awhile a book changes the way I experience the world. This time it’s Born For Love, by Bruce D. Perry and Maia Szalavitz. Their book explores how children learn to love-or not. No work of fiction is as compelling.” (Denver Post)
“An accessible and important work of popular science.” (BigThink.com)
“Strikingly original and thought-provoking, Born for Love explores the crucially important role empathy plays in all of our lives. It should be required reading for every parent, partner, and friend.” (Annie Murphy Paul, author of Origins: How the Nine Months Before Birth Shape the Rest of Our Lives)
From the Back Cover
Uncover the startling importance of empathy
From birth, when babies' fingers instinctively cling to those of adults, their bodies and brains seek an intimate connection—a bond made possible by empathy, the remarkable ability to love and to share the feelings of others.
In this unforgettable book, award-winning science journalist Maia Szalavitz and renowned child-psychiatrist Bruce D. Perry explain how empathy develops, why it is essential both to human happiness and for a functional society, and how it is threatened in the modern world.
About the Author
Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D., is the senior fellow of the ChildTrauma Academy (www.ChildTrauma.org), a not-for-profit organization based in Houston that is dedicated to improving the lives of high-risk children, and he is an adjunct professor of psychiatry at the Northwestern University School of Medicine in Chicago. He is the author, with Maia Szalavitz, of The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, a bestselling book based on his work with maltreated children.
Maia Szalavitz is the author of Help at Any Cost: How the Troubled-Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids (Riverhead, 2006), which led to state investigations into the industry as well as federal legislation. She is a senior fellow at media watchdog STATS.org and has written for the New York Times, Elle, Time magazine online, and the Washington Post.
Most helpful customer reviews
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Every mother should read this!
By Raquel Armida Amezcua
I'm a mother of three and a social worker for foster children and their birth families. I started reading this book because of my profession but became more interested and found the book far more applicable when I applied it to myself as a parent and to my daughter who is pregnant. Dr. Perry and Ms. Maia said what I have been thinking for a long time: too much television, too little neighbor to neighbor interaction, too little value on the grandparents. Yes, as they said, poverty is related, as is crime, death rate, violence and the loss of great minds because we have lost the value of face to face interaction, caring and inclusion.
This book made me want to go out and keep on giving to others. It feels good to give! There are so many benefits for our children, their parents, grandparents and our society. In the final analysis, this book made me feel that I could make a difference. :).
83 of 86 people found the following review helpful.
Born for Love and Hope
By denmarsark
"We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end," quoted from Disraeli,is how Perry and Szalavitz start an exploration of how children learn to love-or not. Perry is an international expert on how childhood trauma, abuse or neglect leaves developmental gaps in a young girl or boy's brain. More importantly, he tells what we can do about it. Szalavitz is an award-winning science journalist who creates a coherent narrative of the ten children and their families who are the characters of this book. No work of fiction is as compelling as entering the lives of these young children and their journey to young adulthood.
Humans need the capacity for empathy-without it, the ability to love is lost. These children are hungry, even desperate for love, and hungry for learning, but the deficits in brain development due to the trauma, drama and chaos of the first four years of life, during which their brains were literally organizing, resonates down their early years. Perry makes the case that all the "Golden Rules" in major religions show how "morality depends on our ability to see the world from other points of view. And this starts with mirror neurons." Right there is what makes this book unique; what we experience as religious, moral and ethical choices in life all begin with what our brains are capable of. "Empathy is the basis of compassionate action...the foundation of trust, which is necessary for the successful functioning of everything from relations to families to governments and, yes, to economies."
What I love about Perry's approach, though, is the lack of moralizing. Here's what happened to this kid's brain and when; here's the consequences of that, now and in the future. Let's find out where the gaps are in brain development, fill in the gaps, and help the kid make better choices. It's a simple process of science-based assessment and treatment, with positive outcomes. It's not easy, but doable. Children, families, schools, neighborhoods, county/state child welfare systems, all benefit when the kid moves from raging and hurting to soothing and healing.
Perry doesn't offer psycho-pablum, such as "all kids are resilient, they'll get over it." When early trauma is intermittent and moderate, a child can be resilient; but when the trauma is sustained and severe, the child is vulnerable, not resilient, and needs help delivered in a way that maximizes brain change and healing. These children need connection, need claiming and consistency, not shuttling them from one foster family or treatment center to another.
Perry prescribes six "R's" in his approach: playful engagement needs to be rhythmic (to affect deep down in the brainstem), repetitive (creating patterns), relational (safe, stable), relevant (geared to child's developmental stage, not chronological age), rewarding (pleasurable) and respectful (of the child, family and culture). Without intervention, they rage, act out, hurt themselves, their families, other children, end up in detention, homeless, insane or in prison. As a society, we need to make good choices about how we spend our charitable and tax dollars on child trauma and neglect; otherwise these children make brain-traumatized choices that cost them and us much pain, injury, money and lives. No empathy breeds impaired, broken and lost relationships; loving, thoughtful care creates well brains, good choices and productive lives.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
great book
By Maya
Fantastic explanation of our human relations, I love this book, from genetics ,family connections,social interaction and more how can we make it better and enjoy our life.Lets do it together. This book is a starter in a new direction.
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