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Describes milestones of sexual development during childhood and adolescence, explains how this influences one's adult sexuality, and suggests ways to understand and alleviate related problems.
- Sales Rank: #1970407 in Books
- Brand: newharbingerpublications, inc
- Published on: 1998-07
- Ingredients: Example Ingredients
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .67" h x 7.00" w x 9.97" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
Review
"Dr. Zoldbrod has produced a thoughtful, informative, and in depth exploration of how childhood shapes one's sexual life in her book "SexSmart." ...Many examples throughout ...via clinical vignettes and thought provoking exercises and assessments ....This is a book and workbook in one....A great resource book to refer to those we work with, especially in the area of childhood abuse, sexual abuse, or family abuse. ...Zoldbrod reminds us of how these events impact individuals and their sexuality, sexual satisfaction, and relational satisfaction. Most importantly, Sex Smart provides hope through information, permission to explore, identifying and reframing beliefs, and assessments to improve sexuality." --Contemporary Sexuality, American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, reviewed by Sally Valentine, Ph.D. , Contemporary Sexuality, Vol. 39, No.11, November, 2005
"... Wonderful.....Refreshing." --Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 2005, reviewed by Ursula Ofman, Psy.D.
"A valuable resource for anyone who wants to understand and explore the root causes of adult sexual intimacy concerns." --Wendy Maltz, M.S.W., author of The Porn Trap and The Sexual Healing Journey
"SexSmart is an outstanding and extremely useful book for patients, therapists and the general public." --Leonore Tiefer, Ph.D., author of Sex is Not a Natural Act, Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, New York University School of Medicine and Albert Einstein College of Medicine.
"Dr. Zoldbrod's model of sexual development is the best one of its kind I've ever seen. This book will be useful not only as a self-help manual, but also as an informative guide for therapists and teachers." --Janet Shibley Hyde Ph.D., Professor of Psychology and Evjue-Bascom Professor of Women's Studies, University of Wisconsin, Madison; author of Understanding Human Sexuality
From the Author
My goal is to help you transform your sexuality. SexSmart will show you how.
Award winner, ForeWord Books, Best Self Help Book Category, 1998.
From the Inside Flap
"Sex Smart gets my highest recommendation. It is an optimistic, empowering guide, and the best book available to assess, confront, and change inhibiting thoughts, feelings and behaviors stemming from family-of-origin issues."
--Barry W. McCarthy, Ph.D.; Professor of Psychology, American University; author of Rekindling Desire, Coping with Erectile Dysfunction; Coping with Premature Ejaculation; and Confronting the Victim Role: Healing From an Abusive Childhood.
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
What I loved about SexSmart
By Staci Sprout
1. The fact that the author gets that our sex life is sculpted through childhood experiences and influences - in fact she's an expert in this link.
2. Her straightforward approach to sexuality as something each person must define for themselves.
3. Strategies for increasing your comfort for being touched - awesome list!
4. The "Draw Your Body Map" exercise
5. How to assess your "Sexual Perfectionism" - love that term sexual perfectionism, meaning the rigid demands we can make on ourselves and our lovers
6. Her recognition of the fact that when BDSM is a rigid, fixed role in someone's sex life (as opposed to a curious exploration among many explorations), it might mean there was something terribly amiss in the power dynamic in the family.
Quote from SexSmart I love:
"To experience sexual ecstasy with another person (in a relationship between peers) you must let go of the controls over your body, and allow an instinctive, biological process of arousal, continuing excitement, and orgasm to occur. You need to trust the other person to take good care of you, to listen to your wishes, and to give you sexual pleasure."
Thank you Dr. Zoldbrod, for this ground-breaking work that I hope someday will become common knowledge.
By Staci, author of: Naked in Public: A Memoir of Recovery From Sex Addiction and Other Temporary Insanities
9 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Not smart
By Laurent Wada
Maybe this book would have been insightful 30 years ago, but I don't think it was "college level" even then. It didn't offer any useful advice on how to actually repair psychological damage. And the exercises always came to obvious, dogmatic conclusions.
If you're an introspective person, then there probably isn't anything in this book that you haven't thought of already. I can see how it might save a little time for a therapist to hand out at the beginning of a comprehensive treatment, but it certainly isn't going to be the last (or even middle) step in the healing process.
After each chapter I found myself asking, "Yes I know that, now what do I do about it!?" And then at the end of the book I thought, "This is exactly where I started."
11 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
SEX SMART IS ABOUT LIFE! LOVE! & HAPPYNESS!!
By M. Corrigan
Worth way more than the price and precious bookshelf real-estate! _____Sex Smart_____How your childhood shaped your sexual life and what to do about it by Aline P Zoldbrod.
I grew up angry... No, really Angry! In talking with my parents, I was grounded to my room as they had no idea what else to do with me! Once I was grounded from running, but I could still go to track practice. 'laughs'
I left home to get as far away as possible for college, west coast is the farthest, I chose that one. The anger still followed. A seething rage inside, and a soft desire to connect. Am I destined to sit at the table by myself to eat? I'm trying to do what everyone else is.. why can I not seem to trap a woman into falling in love with me? I want the romance like is in the movies.. maybe I'll buy flowers, I'll try dinners, the opera, movies, bowling? maybe that will work... It didn't.
I left college for graduate school. I was in the big leagues here, I was TA-ing half time with a full time load, as a Statistics TA I had a captive audience of 300 people times 10 10 week quarters to relate to someone. I'd given up hope, in my world the best way to go to a rally was to counterprotest and that is what I did. Whatever the topic was I chose the opposite and voiced way louder than anyone else. Did it get me in the School Newspaper, Yes many times, and the Op-Ed section many more times still. All with this huge disconnect. If I am being myself, expressing all this rage without hurting anyone, why am I still so ALONE?
I met someone, she must be the one, quick! get engaged get married, get a dog, an apartment, a house... why am I still so ALONE?
Throw in a Job, (I'm an isolated Statistician) A tour in Iraq (Iraqi Army Advisor), A divorce (marriage gone brother/sister with having and loving, but missing cherishing and holding). and Still I'm STILL SO ALONE!
Having an affinity to read books that deal with sex (funny, I learned tons about it, and had little to no experience-even having been married!) _____Sex Smart_____ crossed my Amazon Recomendations. I purchased it with another 15 sex-technique-self-help-related books. Gspot this Aspot that Orgasm's galore, and I cracked the cover!
Having made journaling a regular part of my life as well as meditation (anger/rage management),I was at a spot where being comfortable with aloneness was a necessary element for togetherness. Just where I needed to be to open this book.
This book opened so many new paradigms of how life could be / or it would be nice for life to have been.
What was the impact of:
friends not being alowed at my house?
my brother being my best friend vs. someone outside the family?
moving 23 times by the age of 18?
being in so many school systems?
Knowing I didn't really have to make friends? I'd move in 6 months or less!
Me being the household babysitter at the mature age of 12?
Me being the oldest sibling?
Living in a 'Women's Shelter' for 6 weeks at the age of 16?
Loosing a father to HIV at the age of 18?
Being afraid to open the refrigerator door at someone elses house?
Being Grounded for weeks at a time?
Getting spanked with the deal that if I didn't remind them when we got home, the punishment would double?
A mother who thought it her duty to take care of the husband over her own children?
Never going to a school dance or overnight function?
why I am plagued with so much anxiety/excitement at approching things that are new?
Each chapter dealing with what happened, what my thoughts were, how I felt about it and what I needed now as an adult. I took more than 12 months to get through this book. I found I checked out or didn't want to read anymore when I was being confronted with something I had conveiniently repressed. This is not a 'sexual techniques' book or a way to 'figure out' your partner; however, it is a book you will refer to with pleasant reflection over and over again.
I wrote the questions in the beginning of the chapter in my journal and answered them before reading the text. (this also slowed me down as sometimes it would take days to recall everything I wanted to write about and my hand would hurt) I usually read a digestible chapter two to three times. Everyone of the impacts above became clear as if tearing a petal from a lotus, there is seemingly always another petal behind that one.
I saw how the first three years of life(Ken Wilber's Stage I) can create torture(being the social outcast) or togetherness (such as being five years old and having a best friend that knows you better than anyone) lasting for the next ten years of life!(Stage II) How each of us has another chance as a teenager(STAGE III) for crossing a solidifying communication 'stage' (This is how the world IS and will ALWAYS BE!) and its correlation to your ability to approach life, boldly or apprehensively, as an adult.(Stage IV) One of the last opportunities for relatedness happens when you are on your own.(Stage V). For most of us this is now, with all that baggage how am I using it as a crutch or limitation on the way I create my world. All limitations in our social life impact the sexual life. How we spend time with groups, how we spend time one on one, are we accepting of our bodies and the body of our partner doing the things human bodies do, how do we think we look in other's eyes, how we catorgorize or limit people with names(is she a 10 or a 4?), and a huge one... HAVE WE DEALT WITH OUR OWN SHAME(Stage VI)? Once you are naked before another human, what is there? What can you not say or share with them? What can you not ask them? What can you not do with them? Why are you scared before them?
I've asked many rhetorical questions in this review, this book has the capacity to answer all of them and more. Where are you holding out, where are you cheating yourself, where are you letting passivity or aggresiveness override assertiveness, complete, open self-expression to ask for what you want.. what you need?
This book was a transformation of the principle componenets analysis of my own paradigm shift in life... oh yes take the inverse square it and take the inverse again to get the real transformation. Aside from the many reviews of Doctors, Psychologists, and the like, this book is not super-clinical, does not require a college degree, and has been and IS a phenominal resource in my simple little life.
I still (naturally) become angry on occaision, and for the most part I am no longer, supplicating, passive-aggressive, or ALONE!
The importance of touch presented in this book makes me want to truly share the love of 'non-sexual' touch with everyone I see. It was a catalyst that got me to finish my National Certification Exam to be a Massage Therapist as a side job. Mostly I just volunteer, as I get just as much out of it as the client does.
I can only hope that _____Sex Smart_____ blesses your life in many more ways than it has blessed mine.
Namaste
Matt
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